I was nominated to write the Race Report for this year’s Chequamegon Fat Tire Festival, so here it goes. 

Short version:  This race made me think seriously about taking up fishing.

 Long version:  Friday departure from Gilpihans about 8 a.m.  Todd, Gilp and I were joined by Brent and Megan (Mini-Jean) which for me turned out to be the highlight of the weekend.  I’ve known Brent and Megan for several years now but you don’t really get to know someone until you take a roadie with them and they were an honest to goodness treat.  Todd decided to drive up through Minnesota to take advantage of more freeway miles.  It was easier driving and required fewer of Todd’s death-defying passes on two lane roads so I was fine with it.  Plus I was reminded of how Minny drivers don’t understand that the left lane is for passing which is amusing (unless you are driving, which I was not).  The trip went quickly and we checked into the KOA in Hayward by mid-afternoon once we got by the host at the gate who was heckling us for being too cheap to get the cabin that had cable tv.  Screw you, buddy.  The cabin was dinky but fine and we made our way to Cable for packet pick-up with all the other leg-shaving dorks.  Then on to Coops in Hayward for dinner, joined by Cassie and Dan – saw the Eppens there and Geoff’s new pimpmobile (Black Thunder?   El Coche Negro?) rolled in as well.  Asleep by 10:30 and that was Friday.

 Todd, Brent and I were up by 4:30 a.m. to meet Todd Juhlin and put the bikes at the start line.  This is just ridiculous to me, but I’m not fast so I go along with it for the benefit of the fast guys.  We were in the second row behind the big wheels in preferred start.  Back to KOA and I got a couple more hours of good sleep – 8 total hours of sleep, that is unheard of the night before a race.  So I had to cross that potential excuse off my list.

 Todd and Gilp road the couple of miles into Hayward to warm up.  Brent, Mini-Jean and I left KOA just before 9 a.m. and Mini-Jean found a great parking spot right next to the public groover.  Geoff’s gang rolled in and we had time to kill.  I wandered up to the start area shooting the breeze with Doug and Kay Ruckdaschel and realized I’d walked off without my camelbak and water bottle.  At this point, I should have taken the hint and skipped the race, but I went back, got my fluids and was at my bike by 9:45 for the 10 a.m. roll-out.  Mudcat Jim (?) did a credible job with the Star Spangled Banner and away we went. 

(Geoff, Brian, Brent and Gilp)

 If you are not familiar with the Cheq 40, it is (I think) the biggest mass start mt. bike race in the USA with about 1800 squirrelly riders rolling out of Hayward at once.  It is pretty cool, but also pretty hair-raising at times – sounds like a bunch of semi-trucks with all those knobby tires on pavement and there are jackholes (mostly wearing white bike shoes, no offense Geoff) riding on the sidewalks to improve their position.  But none of us observed any crashes in the roll-out which is somewhat unusual.  We hit Rosie’s Field and the first hill and the race began in earnest.

 I harbor no illusions about my abilities as a bike racer.  Advancing age, extra pounds and little natural talent yield predictable results at these events.  But I still have my little goals.  I did this race in 2007 in 3 hours even.  Better fitness this year and I did OK at the Colesburg 40 a couple weeks ago despite bonking hard at the end so I had it in my head that I could do 2:50 this year, maybe 2:45 (for reference, the winners come in at just over two hours).  Plus I was on my new/used Norbea 29er which is the perfect bike for this race.  But I rode on Monday and Tuesday and felt fatigued – felt like it is the end of the season, which it is for me.  And those early week rides turned out to be a bit of foreshadowing.   This race follows the Birkebeiner cross-country ski trail.  It is a lot of grass and one roller after another.  Up and down, up and down.  You are tempted to stand and jam over the hills, but you have to conserve because there are a million hills, maybe two million.  Of course the idea is to power down each hill to make the next one shorter.  I couldn’t do it.  I didn’t feel good all day.  Crawl up, coast down, crawl up, coast down and repeat a million times.   That is not the way to do a good time at this race, but I felt like I was in the wrong gear all day.  My back started to hurt.  Then when my back loosened up, I started cramping.  I kept thinking I would get it moving, but eventually my thoughts turned to “I will not cry.  I will not cry.  I will not cry.”  I was getting passed all day like I was standing there.  I started to think people were passing me, then looping back around so they could pass me again because I couldn’t believe there were that many people in the race.  So without belaboring the point, it sucked.  It was about 47 different kinds of suck.  I finished in 2:54, out there just long enough to inhale about 13 pounds of Northern Wisconsin dust, dirt, and who knows what.  No excuses, the bike was great, no mechanicals, no stomach problems, no bonk.  Just no legs. 

Highlights:

·         Team Skin and the Friends of Team Skin should feel very good about their results.  Eppens of course won the tandems.  Jim Cochran was top 100 dudes on his first try and riding a borrowed bike.  Toddy PRed and finished just out of the top 100 right there with Geoff, Brian Abbott, Dan, Juhlin and Bruce.  Jody, Cassie, Jean, Darcy, Lisa D, Hammer, Greg, Matt K, Kyle and Robin all had good races as did Amanda and Burvee in the Short and Fat.

·         Sandbagger Award to Chris Ruckdaschel who told me he hadn’t been riding much and hoped to do 2:50.  He finished in about 2:32 – that is fast.  Don’t play poker with Chris.

·         Hero Awards to JD who lost his water bottles early on and rode a dry race.  Ouch.  And to Brent who snapped his seat post with 8 tough miles left.  I passed him and didn’t even notice, just thought he must be having a tough day.  There is no way I would have rode standing for one mile, much less the last 8 of this freaking race.  I tip my cap to Brent, that took some guts.

·         Mini-Jean, Cara and Lina were great support doing the vehicle shuttle, cheering and being all around good eggs.  It was very much appreciated.

·         The race ends at a ski resort and the tradition is – surprise – drag the coolers out to the hillside and drink a few beers to wind down.  Great fun watching the riders come in making new friends, despite us all hacking up dirt and dust.   I got to use my flip-flop bottle opener – felt like McGyver for a second.  Also, if you don’t know Dan, he is pretty reserved and keeps himself busy working, taking classes and managing Cassie.  But once in awhile Sassy Dan comes out and he paid us a visit on the hillside, much to my delight.  I always enjoy spending time with Sassy Dan.  Last point, you might be familiar with Bill Simmons’ Press Box Hot -- http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090827 -- Bike Race Hot is in the same category.

·         Doug and Kay put on a great post-race feed.  Kay is the hostess with the mostest.  I think I had dreams about that potato salad.  It was not good.  It was life-changing.

·         We wrapped up the day with a visit to the Angry Minnow to meet the Dice boys and then the quirky Moccasin Bar in Hayward, home of the world record muskie and the albino stuffed muskrat.  You are not living until you have a couple beers at the Moccasin.  And Gilp made a new friend named Garic.  We were our usual manic, exhausted selves and laughed way too hard at our own jokes.  We are the funniest people we know, just ask us.  But that is what makes these events so much fun.  What a great collection of people, I am so lucky to be included.

·         One more general observation.  Wisconsin is great.  I always enjoy Wisconsin – seems full of good people and good bike riding.  It has Milwaukee (a very underrated city), the Dells, the BoDeans, Madison.  And it’s America’s Dairyland.  I’m down with Wisconsin.

 So that is it for me, I am taking the year off from cross racing to concentrate on Synchronized Body-Building with Cecil.  See you at Jingle or a tailgate.