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I was nominated to write the Race Report for this year’s Chequamegon Fat
Tire Festival, so here it goes.
Short version: This race made me think seriously about
taking up fishing.
Long version: Friday departure from Gilpihans about 8
a.m. Todd, Gilp and I were joined by Brent and
Megan (Mini-Jean) which for me turned out to be
the highlight of the weekend. I’ve known Brent
and Megan for several years now but you don’t
really get to know someone until you take a
roadie with them and they were an honest to
goodness treat. Todd decided to drive up
through Minnesota to take advantage of more
freeway miles. It was easier driving and
required fewer of Todd’s death-defying passes on
two lane roads so I was fine with it. Plus I
was reminded of how Minny drivers don’t
understand that the left lane is for passing
which is amusing (unless you are driving, which
I was not). The trip went quickly and we
checked into the KOA in Hayward by mid-afternoon
once we got by the host at the gate who was
heckling us for being too cheap to get the cabin
that had cable tv. Screw you, buddy. The cabin
was dinky but fine and we made our way to Cable
for packet pick-up with all the other
leg-shaving dorks. Then on to Coops in Hayward
for dinner, joined by Cassie and Dan – saw the
Eppens there and Geoff’s new pimpmobile (Black
Thunder? El Coche Negro?) rolled in as well.
Asleep by 10:30 and that was Friday.
Todd, Brent and I were up by 4:30 a.m. to meet Todd Juhlin and put the
bikes at the start line. This is just
ridiculous to me, but I’m not fast so I go along
with it for the benefit of the fast guys. We
were in the second row behind the big wheels in
preferred start. Back to KOA and I got a couple
more hours of good sleep – 8 total hours of
sleep, that is unheard of the night before a
race. So I had to cross that potential excuse
off my list.

Todd and Gilp road the couple of miles into Hayward to warm up. Brent,
Mini-Jean and I left KOA just before 9 a.m. and
Mini-Jean found a great parking spot right next
to the public groover. Geoff’s gang rolled in
and we had time to kill. I wandered up to the
start area shooting the breeze with Doug and Kay
Ruckdaschel and realized I’d walked off without
my camelbak and water bottle. At this point, I
should have taken the hint and skipped the race,
but I went back, got my fluids and was at my
bike by 9:45 for the 10 a.m. roll-out. Mudcat
Jim (?) did a credible job with the Star
Spangled Banner and away we went.

(Geoff, Brian, Brent and Gilp)
If you are not familiar with the Cheq 40, it is (I think) the biggest
mass start mt. bike race in the USA with about
1800 squirrelly riders rolling out of Hayward at
once. It is pretty cool, but also pretty
hair-raising at times – sounds like a bunch of
semi-trucks with all those knobby tires on
pavement and there are jackholes (mostly wearing
white bike shoes, no offense Geoff) riding on
the sidewalks to improve their position. But
none of us observed any crashes in the roll-out
which is somewhat unusual. We hit Rosie’s Field
and the first hill and the race began in
earnest.

I harbor no illusions about my abilities as a bike racer. Advancing
age, extra pounds and little natural talent
yield predictable results at these events. But
I still have my little goals. I did this race
in 2007 in 3 hours even. Better fitness this
year and I did OK at the Colesburg 40 a couple
weeks ago despite bonking hard at the end so I
had it in my head that I could do 2:50 this
year, maybe 2:45 (for reference, the winners
come in at just over two hours). Plus I was on
my new/used Norbea 29er which is the perfect
bike for this race. But I rode on Monday and
Tuesday and felt fatigued – felt like it is the
end of the season, which it is for me. And
those early week rides turned out to be a bit of
foreshadowing. This race follows the
Birkebeiner cross-country ski trail. It is a
lot of grass and one roller after another. Up
and down, up and down. You are tempted to stand
and jam over the hills, but you have to conserve
because there are a million hills, maybe two
million. Of course the idea is to power down
each hill to make the next one shorter. I
couldn’t do it. I didn’t feel good all day.
Crawl up, coast down, crawl up, coast down and
repeat a million times. That is not the way to
do a good time at this race, but I felt like I
was in the wrong gear all day. My back started
to hurt. Then when my back loosened up, I
started cramping. I kept thinking I would get
it moving, but eventually my thoughts turned to
“I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not
cry.” I was getting passed all day like I was
standing there. I started to think people were
passing me, then looping back around so they
could pass me again because I couldn’t believe
there were that many people in the race. So
without belaboring the point, it sucked. It was
about 47 different kinds of suck. I finished in
2:54, out there just long enough to inhale about
13 pounds of Northern Wisconsin dust, dirt, and
who knows what. No excuses, the bike was great,
no mechanicals, no stomach problems, no bonk.
Just no legs.

Highlights:
·
Team Skin and the Friends of Team
Skin should feel very good about their results.
Eppens of course won the tandems. Jim Cochran
was top 100 dudes on his first try and riding a
borrowed bike. Toddy PRed and finished just out
of the top 100 right there with Geoff, Brian
Abbott, Dan, Juhlin and Bruce. Jody, Cassie,
Jean, Darcy, Lisa D, Hammer, Greg, Matt K, Kyle
and Robin all had good races as did Amanda and
Burvee in the Short and Fat.


·
Sandbagger Award to Chris
Ruckdaschel who told me he hadn’t been riding
much and hoped to do 2:50. He finished in about
2:32 – that is fast. Don’t play poker with
Chris.

·
Hero Awards to JD who lost his
water bottles early on and rode a dry race.
Ouch. And to Brent who snapped his seat post
with 8 tough miles left. I passed him and
didn’t even notice, just thought he must be
having a tough day. There is no way I would
have rode standing for one mile, much less the
last 8 of this freaking race. I tip my cap to
Brent, that took some guts.

·
Mini-Jean, Cara and Lina were
great support doing the vehicle shuttle,
cheering and being all around good eggs. It was
very much appreciated.

·
The race ends at a ski resort and
the tradition is – surprise – drag the coolers
out to the hillside and drink a few beers to
wind down. Great fun watching the riders come
in making new friends, despite us all hacking up
dirt and dust. I got to use my flip-flop
bottle opener – felt like McGyver for a second.
Also, if you don’t know Dan, he is pretty
reserved and keeps himself busy working, taking
classes and managing Cassie. But once in awhile
Sassy Dan comes out and he paid us a visit on
the hillside, much to my delight. I always
enjoy spending time with Sassy Dan. Last point,
you might be familiar with Bill Simmons’ Press
Box Hot --
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090827
-- Bike Race Hot is in the same category.
·
Doug and Kay put on a great
post-race feed. Kay is the hostess with the
mostest. I think I had dreams about that potato
salad. It was not good. It was life-changing.

·
We wrapped up the day with a visit
to the Angry Minnow to meet the Dice boys and
then the quirky Moccasin Bar in Hayward, home of
the world record muskie and the albino stuffed
muskrat. You are not living until you have a
couple beers at the Moccasin. And Gilp made a
new friend named Garic. We were our usual
manic, exhausted selves and laughed way too hard
at our own jokes. We are the funniest people we
know, just ask us. But that is what makes these
events so much fun. What a great collection of
people, I am so lucky to be included.
·
One more general observation.
Wisconsin is great. I always enjoy Wisconsin –
seems full of good people and good bike riding.
It has Milwaukee (a very underrated city), the
Dells, the BoDeans, Madison. And it’s America’s
Dairyland. I’m down with Wisconsin.

So that is it for me, I am taking the year off from cross racing to
concentrate on Synchronized Body-Building with
Cecil. See you at Jingle or a tailgate. |